It’s a new year and I imagine a lot of you are considering
therapy, perhaps for the first time ever. If so, good. I’ve been intentionally
transparent about my own mental health experience and how, yes, even counselors
need counselors too. I do that to normalize and demystify the process so you
start to view it as any other form of self-care.
Not only is therapy great for giving you space to be and
feel; it also teaches you a lot. In fact, every time I leave a counseling
session I walk away with some valuable gems, a new way to look at things. That’s
why throughout this new year I’ll offer periodic blog posts on gems I’ve
learned from therapy. First up, is my counselor’s wise overview of feelings. For
the sake of her privacy, I’ll call her Reba. Tell me if you’ve ever heard a
more succinct way of understanding the complex world of human emotions.
Reba defines the primary emotions we experience in the
following ways:
Anger
This is the emotional reaction when things aren’t as they
should be.
Fear
This is the emotional reaction to feeling physically or
emotionally unsafe.
Sadness
This is the emotional reaction to loss.
Happiness
This is the emotional reaction when things are as they
should be.
According to Reba, each feeling has an action to resolve it.
If we’re angry because things aren’t as they should be, we should fix it. We
should find whatever is in our control to solve the problem. If we’re afraid
because we feel unsafe, we should take steps to restore our sense of safety. (Note:
It’s possible to feel afraid and still be safe). If we’re sad because of real
(or perceived) loss, we should grieve it. Finally, if we’re happy because
things are as they should be, we should embrace it and give thanks.
How does that overview help you? How does this perspective
help you navigate your feelings? In light of what you feel right now, what will
be your response?
Stay tuned for future Gems from Therapy. I promise you’ll
want to schedule with a therapist right away. ;)
