Sunday, November 30, 2014

Finally home

Different friends who have visited in the last few years comment on how sparse my walls are. My place is nicely furnished, but there’s nothing hanging on the walls- no pictures, no artwork, no decorative mirrors, nada. I wasn’t making it a point not to decorate. I just wasn’t prioritizing it either. When I considered why I realized I hadn’t really felt at home yet.

Life up to this point has been pretty transient since I left for college. Each year of undergrad I moved in and out of various dorms and home for the summer. For grad school, I moved about every one to three years. Then once I finished school, I moved every year for three years in a row. After all that moving, it’s hard to feel settled in anywhere. Without consciously realizing it, I think I told myself that no place is permanent. It’s easier to move when the time comes when you don’t have a lot of entrapments. The byproduct of that self-talk wasn’t a sense of freedom as you might expect, it was anxiety. I felt more unsettled the less rooted I was.
So, this year I made the decision that I’m home- the apartment I live in, the region I live in, the skin I live in, it’s all my home. And if I’m home, it’s time to take off my shoes, leave my hat at the door, and stay a while. As a symbol of settling in, I got my first Christmas tree. For this year and every year to come, it signifies that I’m home…I’m finally home.