Thursday, September 22, 2016

No one likes doctors; go anyway

I'm not really a fan of going to the doctor. I guess no one is. I seem to get especially stressed though. I take good care of myself. I know there's realistically nothing to fear. But that's never really the point with anxiety. In the absence of legitimate worry, anxiety will make you imagine the most asinine of scenarios and wear you out with the possibility of them. But since I don't view fear as a good enough reason not to do something, I went to my appointment anyway and was pleasantly surprised by what happened.

Nothing. I went to my appointment and nothing happened. Nothing bad, that is. I suppose a good thing about catastrophizing is that things rarely end up as bad as you anticipate. I mean, sure, there was some poking and prodding. There were some awkward questions. Moments were uncomfortable, but not insufferable. Funnily enough, because I spent my energy worried about the nuts and bolts of the appointment itself, when my doctor expressed actual concern about the prevalence of a health issue in my family, that was the farthest thing from my mind. Even as she educated me on risk factors and possible genetic testing down the road, I wasn't the least bit phased. I took in the information, but the gripping fear was gone.

I share this because I believe in prevention. I preach the value of balanced living and self-care. I can't, in good conscience, say it's for other people and not for me...or implement some wellness practices and not others. It's a lifestyle as they say. Go to the doctor. Make it a regular habit. Push past your fears. Absolutely nothing gives you peace of mind like a clean bill of health.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Better when I'm dancing

If you follow me, you know it's been a little while since I've posted. My bad. Creativity and I have been having some issues. I won't say it's been a block, per se, but it's definitely felt a bit like wrestling with an obstinate young child who no longer wants to cooperate. It hasn't just affected my writing. I've noticed it in my dancing as well.

Anyone who knows me knows dance and fitness have been my happy place. I came to Zumba while recovering from a painful time and it brought my back to life. I loved it so much that I became an instructor and wanted to share my joy with others. But after two years of teaching, it's started feeling like yet another thing on my exhaustive to-do list, rather than the joy it used to be. I even started to become convinced that I'm just not great at choreography because it wasn't flowing...until yesterday.

Yesterday, a Monday, when I'm normally bleary eyed, annoyed, grabbing for caffeine, and begging God to just get me through the day, I started off my week differently. I woke up early enough to meditate and during that time I asked God for inspiration. It was one of a few prayers I offered up and I didn't think much about it...that is, until it was answered.

I was going through my music and putting together a playlist. I came across a new song that I hadn't heard before. I knew from the first few notes that I liked it. I listened to it a couple of times and an entire dance came to me. I didn't even have to try to think of what move would come next. The music ignited me and as a result the dance created itself. It felt amazing. My prayer had been answered. I guess all this time I just needed to ask.

I know this is a simple post, but it's significant for me. I was feeling so dry and depleted. Much of my life is marked my things I have to do, rather than the things I truly want to do. Unknowingly, I guess even my creative outlets were being affected. But the issue was never really with creativity. It was more about finding something that truly moved me in my soul again. I had lost that along the way. So, my new rule is this: every playlist song, every workout, and every dance I create must light a fire within me, especially every dance. Dance is sacred for me and must remain my happy place. Because ultimately, I feel better when I'm dancing.